Majorly English

It’s time for a new contest here on Majorly English. It’s time for us to cut the fat, to tighten the belts, to start officially paring down the ranks of the celebrity. In recent years, we’ve seen here in America a rapid rise in the intense interest of the elusive celebrity. Magazines like People, In Touch, OK!, and US Weekly dominate the grocery store check-out lines, television shows like True Hollywood Stories and VH1 schedule lynchpins like 101 Hottest Celebrity Feuds, 128 Biggest Celebrity Bad Hair Days, even 1,486.8 Hottest Hotties dominate the airwaves. In short, we as a nation have become obsessed with people that we deem to be “famous.”

As our demand for celebrity dish has exponentially increased, we’ve had to lower our standards of celebrity in order to provide enough dish to appropriately satiate the slobbering masses. As a result, there are several “celebrities” that have no true discernible reason for their fame and public appreciation. They are famous because they are famous, and their fame continues to grow because of their fame, and it results in a violently circular cycle of logic that seems to continue in an endlessly growing orgy of public vicariosity and subconscious envy.

Well, no more.

It’s time for us, the American public, to deem what celebrities are worth obsessing over their choice of midafternoon snack, and which FAUXlebrities are not worth the time it takes to determine their choice of movie rentals on a Tuesday night.

It’s time to thin the herd. Join me, as we work towards determing who is the least deserving of the celebrity they have selfishly claimed as their own.